In My Own Company #blogchatterbloghop

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Age and experience change us. I was an introvert but not a recluse. When I came in company of people, I had the habit of slowly but steadily getting friendly to them and stuck with those few. There was a phase in my life where I used to be comfortable around everyone. And that had hit me with a blow, a very strong one, that I am still struggling to get over. They became way more comfortable, broke boundaries and started sharing their emotional pain, hatred, distress and all bad experiences. At first I used to respond, empathize, tried to lend my hand, but gradually, it became overwhelming, and I was left numb. I felt for everyone's pain, struggles, and under that absolutely overlooked the burden of emotional baggage I had started to carry. The worst feeling was getting trapped in between situations where two parties were against each other, and I was unable to take sides, as both were dear to me. I was someone with zero complaints , happy with whatever I got. The very people whom I had always been there for, had misbehaved so badly with me, that today, I really don't want to get engaged in any sort of discussion with them. I am a forgiver, so I wish them all the best, to be successful and happy, but they will not find me next to them any more. I am sure they don't need me and I am grateful for the times we had together. These were not outsiders, they were those whom I considered a family. 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYw_O5YIF5l/?igsh=aXcwdDViNXg2MzBs


Today, I avoid crowd, people, seldom attend get-togethers, emotionally detach from others. The only way of sharing my feelings is through my writings. I don't discuss anything with anyone, can live with myself for hours, with or without doing anything- and caring least about what others think. I have a lovely writer's community, may be online but that is enough for me. Watching films, window shopping, walking on the terrace, by the lake, reading books, writing, spending time with my daughter- these mundane activities give me joy. 

I am again longing for a solo trip, let's see if I can make it once more. Today, I am happy in my own company. Because I choose peace over pleasing. I choose myself over others. 


This post is a part of Blogchatter Blog Hop


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